We are all social creatures; that’s what our social science professors taught us; but more than anything else, we are sexual creatures much like all the species that inhabit our planet. We simply adapted this social mechanism to survive longer and be able to carry out our primary purpose which is to secure and pass on our genes to prevent our race, or perhaps our blood line, from becoming extinct. In everything that we do, there is always that preoccupation of “getting laid”.
Because of this sexual nature, through eons past, we have developed a form of communication, either consciously or unconsciously utilized, to express our sexual intentions. We may or may not be conscious of it but we certainly do and notice it when around a potential mate. It is called “body language”. These serve as cues that our species have learned to pick up and understand to be able to tell if that potential mate is willing to return the interest we are vesting them. It is similar to the courtship game in the wild where the male show off their best moves to get their potential sexual partner to mate with them. Humans do it differently. We engage in our courtship ritual through flirting and dating; and it is in these pre-mating rituals that instances of body language can frequently be seen. The male use his body language to win the female’s interest while the female use hers to either accept or decline the intent.
The idea behind this “sexual language” is simple. You won’t be able to notice the sexual cues of a person you’re not interested with; and if ever you do, you’d more likely be repulsed than be attracted. Alternatively, you’ll be able to notice each ones cues immediately and more easily if you view each other as a potential mate. Take note also that, although disliking is imminent if a person you’re not interested with shows “bodily signs of attraction”, there are cases where that particular person becomes more attractive or appealing after exhibiting signs of attraction to you, hence becoming a potential mate.
Now, what are these “body language” or “flirting cues” one should look for to know if a particular person is sexually attracted to you?
Rapid breathing
Our breath when resting is a very peaceful and tranquil movement of air in and out of our lungs. It has the delightful title of “inspiration” for breathing in, and “expiration” for breathing out. When a woman is turned on, however, this breath comes in urgent puffs and probably has some involuntary moans escape with it as the air is forced quickly past her vocal cords. The increase in heart rate when her body prepares for orgasm means her internal organs and muscles are demanding more oxygen. If you can hear her breath change, you’re on the right track. If you can feel her heart thumping, you’re well on your way. This is her sexual body language giving you signals that she’s aroused. However, if she’s breathing normally after having her “big orgasm,” perhaps she’s a big faker.
Eyes
Eye contact – looking directly into the eyes of another person – is such a powerful, emotionally loaded act of communication that we normally restrict it to very brief glances. Prolonged eye contact between two people indicates intense emotion, and is either an act of love or an act of hostility. It is so disturbing that in normal social encounters, we avoid eye contacts of more than one second.
When a person frequently looks at you, it could be two things: it’s either a sign of deep interest or you’re in deep shit. If it is with the opposite sex, it is safe to assume that he/she likes you. From across a crowded room at a party, you can signal your interest in someone merely by making eye contact and attempting to hold your target’s gaze for more than one second. If your target maintains eye contact with you for more than one second, the chances are that he/she might return your interest. If after this initial contact, your target looks away briefly and then looks back to meet your gaze a second time, you can safely assume that he/she is interested. If these eye contacts trigger a smile, you can approach your target with some confidence.
General writhing around and body movement
If your girl is curling her toes and writhing against you, chances are she’s probably enjoying herself. Grinding and pushing against you means that she’s really getting into it. If she’s lying there limp, then things probably aren’t happening for her. Try changing positions, or stop entering her and warm her up from the beginning with your mouth or hands and see how her sexual body language progresses from there.
Proximity
Everyone knows this already. When we like someone, we always tend to move as close to them as possible to get some attention. The same applies to everybody else, except for overly shy and socially impaired people. Even stalkers want to maintain a close distance to their object of desire as much as possible (the only thing is they hesitate to make it known).
The distance you keep from the other person when flirting is important, because it will affect his or her impression of you, and the quality of your interaction. Perhaps even more importantly, paying attention to the other person’s use of distance will tell you a great deal about his/her reactions and feelings towards you.
Arms splayed out
If she’s holding herself close she may not be feeling wild abandon — her arms may be around you, her hands may be on your chest, above your head, wherever, except they’re being held in close to her own body. If she’s on top she may need her arms to maneuver herself and give herself some leverage to get the best angle. This is certainly not a definitive gesture, but can be useful. Her body should be responding to the situation at hand. She shouldn’t be worried about covering herself up or where her arms are. If her arms are stretched wide, either held out to the side or splayed out on the bed sheets, you can bet her sexual body language is telling you you’re right where you need to be and she’s comfortable (and enjoying the ride).
Posture
Most of the time, besides words and facial expression (which can be suppressed and/or faked), our posture can express our mood and feelings. This is known as ‘non-verbal leakage’: while we’re busy controlling our words and faces, our real feelings ‘leak out’ in our posture. These non-verbal leakages can give you positive or negative signs about the particular person you’re flirting with. If only his/her head is turned towards you, with the rest of the body oriented in another direction, this is a sign that you do not have your partner’s full attention. Even just the feet starting to turn and ‘point’ away from you can be a sign that his/her attention is directed elsewhere, or that he/she is thinking about moving away. Leaning backwards and supporting the head on one hand are signs of boredom. ‘Closed’ postures with arms folded and legs tightly crossed indicate disagreement or dislike.
Positive signs to watch out for would be a partner’s body oriented towards you, particularly if he/she is also leaning forward, and an ‘open’ posture. These are signs of attentiveness and interest or liking. Experiments have also shown that females are more likely to tilt their heads to one side when they are interested in the person they are talking to. Men should beware, however, of automatically assuming that these signs indicate sexual interest since it can only mean friendliness.
There are also specific male and female posture signals that should be watched out for, since they are often seen in flirtatious encounters. These tend to be postures which enhance the masculine or dominant appearance of the male, and the femininity of the female. Males may adopt postures which make them appear taller, larger and more impressive, such as placing hands in pockets with elbows out to enlarge the chest, legs are spread out when either standing or sitting, or leaning one hand at above shoulder height on a wall to appear taller and more imposing. Females either adopt postures which make them look smaller, such as drawing the knees towards the body when seated, or postures which draw attention to physical attributes attractive to males, such as arching the back to display the breasts, or crossing and re-crossing the legs to draw attention to them.
Blinking and dilated pupils
If someone likes what they see, their pupil size increases and so does their blink rate. If you want to up the odds in your favor, try increasing the blink rate of the person you’re talking to, by blinking more yourself. If the person likes you, they’ll unconsciously try to match your blink rate to keep in sync with you, which in turn, makes you both feel more attracted to each other!
Gesture
Frequent nodding shows interest and positive attitude towards the one speaking. When someone always nods at you when you are speaking, usually a single nod, it means that he/she is interested in you and that he/she wants you to continue the conversation. Additionally, someone who is interested in you will be more lively and animated in conversation, using more gestures when speaking in order to keep your attention, and more responsive gestures to show interest when you are speaking.
Touch
Touching is a powerful, subtle and complex form of communication. In social situations, the language of touch can be used to convey a surprising variety of messages. Different touches can be used to express agreement, affection, affiliation or attraction; to offer support; to emphasize a point; to call for attention or participation; to guide and direct; to greet; to congratulate; to establish or reinforce power-relations and to negotiate levels of intimacy.
Even the most fleeting touch can have a dramatic influence on our perceptions and relationships. Experiments have shown that even a light, brief touch on the arm during a brief social encounter between strangers has both immediate and lasting positive effects. Polite requests for help or directions, for example, produced much more positive results when accompanied by a light touch on the arm.
When someone frequently tries to hold or touch you, well it could mean things. First, they are comfortable with you. Second, they are really attracted to you therefore they want to at least make you feel that you’re close and special to them. Or, the third, they are just being friendly. But most importantly, a light, warm, and affectionate touch from someone you like could mean that he/she likes you also.
Vocal signals
Attraction and interest are communicated much more by the tone of voice than by what is actually said. Depending on the tone, volume, speed and pitch, even a simple phrase such as “Good evening” can convey anything from “Wow, you’re gorgeous” to “I find you totally uninteresting and I’m looking for an excuse to get away from you as quickly as possible”.
A deep-toned, low pitched, slow, drawn-out “Good evening”, with a slight rising intonation at the end, as though asking a question, this is probably an indication of attraction or at least interest. A short, high-pitched, clipped “Good evening”, or a monotone, expressionless version, on the other hand could probably mean disinterest.
Vaginal muscle movement
You have one of your most sensitive parts inside one of her most sensitive parts — with each movement inside of her you can feel the walls of her vagina, the muscles and flesh. The vaginal wall is an incredibly strong muscle and she will probably use this to some extent for her own pleasure during sex. You may also feel the contracting and relaxing during orgasm — her vagina spasms and this will clench you to some degree — but not always, so don’t use that as a benchmark. Some women do have great control, and those who do are likely to have better sex and orgasms in general. If you don’t feel any clenching, don’t panic. You may know already by the feel of her vagina when she’s not far away from orgasm — she may let you enter further, or the overall sensation may be “just right” for you both. Only you can tell, so pay careful attention to her sexual body language and what’s going on inside of her.
Llearn the language of lovin’
Women love sex as much as men do, but what’s sometimes missing is the self-knowledge, and of course a skilled partner who brings out the erotic best in himself and her. If you’re unsure as to whether your lover is enjoying herself during sex, there is a need for more investigation. Communicate verbally and non-verbally; ask her what she wants you to do, carefully watch and listen to her responses to what you’re doing and don’t assume that what worked for your other girlfriends is going to work for her. Every woman (and man) has different tastes and won’t necessarily respond to the same touches, so try a few different things and don’t stick to a routine. Experiment, tease, tantalize, change positions. When you hear her moan, you’ll know you’ve hit just the right spot, so don’t stop there.
