Categories: Life & Entertainment
The four cornerstones of a healthy loving relationship are: Communication, Trust, Honesty and Sex. Without all four of these the relationship will eventually fall apart. A lack of communication leads to misunderstandings and instances of the dreaded “silent treatment”. A lack of trust means the person you are with is untrustworthy. If you can’t trust them with your wallet, how can you trust them with your heart? Dishonesty means the person is just plain lying to you and doesn’t respect you. Lack of sex will result in adultery, cheating and sneaking around. Its just human nature.
That said we know that sex plays an important role in marriages. People have really high expectations when it comes to sex. They want a mindblowingly good time and sometimes your partner just fails to meet that expectation. The same goes with love. People want to be head-over-heels in love with someone, and to have that feeling of absolute commitment to be returned. Anything less than that and people feel dissatisfied, but hopefully they continue the relationship because they are pragmatic enough to realize their expectations were too high.
People must be practical and use some common sense in bed. If you’re both into wearing leather and spankings, fine, go for it, but I think that is something that has to be discussed so that the couple knows what to expect from their partner. Don’t expect the moon, but do expect the other person to make a concentrated effort to make you happy too. Some people believe sex is a competition to see who can please the other more, and that to me is a welcome idea.
Its important that people are satisfied with their sex lives… if they are not their eyes will begin to wander. People are hardwired to wanting a sex partner so they can reproduce. If they aren’t getting any sex, their brain automatically starts looking for a new source for sex. This is equally true for men and women.
What is worse is when the person in question doesn’t love their partner any more. They’ve lost interest and fallen out of love, possibly to one or more of the four cornerstones not being met. For example lets say they don’t trust their partner any more because they caught them cheating (or simply suspect cheating) and they decide to go on a cheating spree themselves in an effort to get even. Its childish and vindictive, but people do it.
Or lets pretend their partner is giving them the silent treatment. Most people agree that the silent treatment is a sure sign that the relationship is over. If someone isn’t answering your phone calls or emails, the relationship is pretty much over. Some people will claim that the silent treatment is punishment, but that is just more vindictive and childish nonsense and further reinforces the fact that the relationship is over (and that one of you probably shouldn’t even be in a relationship if you’re that immature you don’t know how to communicate your feelings). End result? The person receiving the silent treatment thinks the relationship is over, gets tired of the head games and looks elsewhere.
Sometimes people just hook up, get freaky with it for one night and then never see each other again. As long as both parties know that there isn’t a problem. The moment one of them develops romantic feelings however then things will get complicated and likely end badly.
“Friends with Benefits” is another concept that is equally flawed. Eventually one of the friends develops romantic feelings for the other and this throws a whole wrench into the relationship, often with disastrous results and the end of the friendship. It could be wonderful if they make the switch from friends to lovers, but that is often not the case.
The kryptonite of all relationships is that it should always be mutual. Communication, Trust, Honesty and Sex is needed by BOTH partners. If one of them isn’t getting one of those requirements then love just isn’t possible for them. Some people might add extra requirements such as shared interests/hobbies, shared beliefs, nonsmoking, both want children, similar lifestyles, etc.
There is a growing argument between academics over whether humans are naturally polygamous or monogamous. I personally believe that humans want monogamy, but when they are unsatisfied with their partner they start looking for a new partner. Its not necessarily cold hearted. It really varies from person to person because they have different reasons. Some people just feel unloved and think their relationship is already over. Some are just players looking to upgrade, thinking they can do better.
These days a lot of people rush into marriage before they are really ready for it. As such half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce and one of the leading causes of divorce is lack of sex (which in turn leads to adultery). Knowing that we know that sex is very important in a relationship and couples need to do more to communicate their sexual needs honestly and help build trust and intimacy.
Hear that? Just be honest and communicate and the two of you should find happiness.